elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
