if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
