____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
