True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
