So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
id be glad to
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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