does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
