nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
