Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
