my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
