Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
