watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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