So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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