did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
