We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
