He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory