dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico