i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
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Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
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dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.