Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
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Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
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I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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