it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm gonna cum garlic butter