they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
