Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
