i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
jump out the window naked night went bad
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
