Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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