My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
