peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
