woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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