he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
