ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Randomize
