I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
