I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
