508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
