WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
