Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize