I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Rumble strips road head = magical
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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