i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
