Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
