she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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