this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize