Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
