wakey wakey hands off snakey
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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