WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
