its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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