do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
