Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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