his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
