Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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