I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
