Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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