I think im going to throw up on grandma
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
