i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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