I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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