So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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