Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
