cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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