we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
