apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
