probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
