i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
