Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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