why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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