Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
