in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
