i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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