i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
