So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
