you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
