when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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