Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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