People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
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Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
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There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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