The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize