You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
