Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
