Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
