They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Randomize
