I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The uberlube is also flammable
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
