Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
