it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
