Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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