she was so not down for the gang bang
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize