Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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