don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
