Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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