he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
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morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
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I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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