It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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