I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
