he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
