I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
there is glitter all over my balls
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
