so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
